As a young, fun size, Asian female, I have been told “no” or been criticized for my actions because of my size and gender. I remember when I went solo backpacking, people would be worried for me because they were scared I get raped or kidnap and that I shouldn’t go for my safety. Luckily that didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted to do and I went on that trip and had the most amazing, life changing experience that helped me grow as a person.
Unfortunately life didn’t get easier after my travels and my depression and anxiety came back when I moved out to Los Angeles and fell into a rut not knowing what my purpose in life was. I’m an actress who is trying to get into comedy and as I’m learning more about the industry, I realized all of it mostly male-dominated. Comedy, music, producing, directing, and writing majority of those workers are male and it’s tough being a female in this industry. I have nothing against guys and I think they’re great to have around when you need them, but as a female who has been sexually harassed and constantly hit on by creeps, I’m tired of being surrounded my dicks and it’s a lot more comforting to be around other women.
As many of you are, I am closer to my mother because she was the one that took care of our family and has been the loving, sweet caring angel who protected me, fed me, and forgave me for all my mistakes. She would always hear my prayers and tell me everything is going to be okay. She not only took care of me, but she would welcome my friends with open arms and feed them too, and ya’ll know how mom’s home-cooked meals are always filled with love and deliciousness? Every time we would have pot lucks, my non-Asian friends always asked for my mom’s egg-rolls because they were just so damn delicious. My mom is my hero to me and she inspires me every day to be just as strong and independent but caring and loving like her. I needed that female energy in my life, otherwise I be stuck with my dad who was an alcoholic, gambling and mean dad. That all changed when he met my mom though and she practically transformed my dad after 40 years of marriage, into the best loving, fatherly figure that he is now. That’s how powerful my mom is and as many of your moms are too.
Female energy exhilarates comfort, warmth, and love. Men are just like dudes. They do whatever they want, when something bad happens, they don’t over think it and go searching for answers. They just say fuck it and continue on with their day. Male energy is just different and it’s not easy dealing with them as it is with females. I was dating a guy who broke my heart because he didn’t want to be committed like how most men are like, and it wasn’t because something was wrong with me, he wanted to be alone and work on “himself”. That’s totally understandable, but it still hurt me and I, like many women, fell into depression over it and it affected my work, my life, and my heart. I felt really insecure about myself and wonder “why am I not good enough to be worthy of a relationship?”. For the next few days, I cried about it a lot and I finally decided to go for a hike. I haven’t done that in a while and it was needed.
I thought about a lot of things on my hike and try not think about the boy who broke my heart. Instead I was thinking about myself and how I really needed to work on the relationship with me first. I wonder what am I going to do with my life, what am I meant to do, how am I going to figure it out? I use to pray but I didn’t know who I was praying to. I am Buddhist and I always pray to Buddha, the Universe, and God. For so long I envisioned all 3 as male figures because that’s how society and everyone around me envision him to be. Then as I’m on my hike, that song from Ariana Grande came on “God is a Woman” and then it hit me like a firestorm as I climbed the top of the mountain.
GOD IS A WOMAN!!!!
It all made sense to me now. Who else creates life? Everyone always talks about Jesus but no one ever gives credit to the VIRGIN MARY. A woman who created life without a male coming inside of her? Everyone comes from a woman, not a male. That sounds very godlike to me.
After having this wonderful epiphany, I felt the biggest surge of energy that came from the cosmic female gods themselves, and my prayers were answered. I have a female God in my world watching over me and she’s is going to guide me out of this man’s world and show me how I can fulfill my destiny in helping other women realize it too.
It really changed everything for me. I became more confident in my work. I am now attracting more female, good energy and not that crazy, drama shit we women dish on each other over. I don’t want to keep fighting other women over a guy anymore, it just doesn’t make any sense too. The men are the ones causing drama in our lives and making it harder for us to succeed without them. We become too dependent on them for everything including taking care of us, providing for us, and expecting them to emotionally and physically support us through everything. They are not perfect just as we are not, and men have become resilient and get too exhausted from us criticizing them for everything. We women need to be there for each other instead because we understand each other. We experience the same problems as other women and have similar mindsets and body parts. Women will get other women more than a man will. But it’s never too late to learn from each other and I believe with respectful communication and willingness to be open, we can create a better world for both men and women.