No likes to be called selfish but why shouldn’t you be selfish? For so long we have been told to live by certain expectations whether it’s from society, work, family, or friends. We are brought up with all these standards to uphold whether it’s relationships, career, school, family, or whatever pressure society has put on us and with all these expectations, how are you supposed to know what is good for you if you have been told what’s good for you by other people? Have you really explored yourself enough to know what is best for you? Or have you just been living and working life based on what other people deem “happiness” based off social media and what’s traditionally “acceptable”? Well, it’s never too late to discover yourself and this is the time to be “selfish” and find what truly makes you happy and inspires you to be the best version of you.
Here are 6 ways to be selfish and embrace the person you are truly meant to be!
1. Follow your heart and intuition
You know that tiny voice in your head that tells you when something doesn’t feel right or you know that deep feeling your gut tells when you have to make a decision? Most of the time we follow along other’s people decisions for us because it’s easier and we trust that they know because they seem to have it together. But sometimes, what’s best for them isn’t what is best for us. If your heart is telling you to quit your job, leave your relationship or find better friends, then listen to your heart and do what is best for you, and no, it won’t be easy to accept but you have to do it in order to feel more fulfilled! The more you follow your heart, the happier you will be with yourself and the decisions you make because it’s all coming from a place of love and your true desires. Listen to your intuition and follow your heart!
2. Stop asking advice or help from others
Yes, it’s good to receive tips and help from support friends and family, but sometimes you have to take action for yourself and stop letting people make decisions for you. You don’t need the approval of others to decide your fate. (Ex. You keep asking your best friend what to do with the crush you are seeing because you don’t want to mess up, but your best friend doesn’t know the guy and she is only basing it off what you tell her about it. If you complain or start over-analyzing things then your best friend will think so too and not give you the advice you want to hear and you end up messing up anyways because you cared too much about what other people want for you.) Learn on your own what’s good for you and know that it’s okay if you make mistakes. That is the best way to improve yourself and you can feel proud of doing things on your own. The less people involved in your decision making, the more control you have for yourself.
3. Stop seeking approval and just do it
You know that saying better to be forgiven than ask permission? Live by that because it is your life and you should be grown up to make your own decisions without the approval of anyone else. We are natural born creatures who want to be loved and approved by people, but what we don’t realize is that we take actions based of what other people expects out of us and sometimes those actions don’t fulfill us in the way it should. You don’t need to turn to your friends or family for every little thing that you do but instead just act for yourself and if it bothers anyone tell them well it’s what made you happy and if they truly support you, they will be happy for whatever decision you make for yourself. (ex. You want to go solo travel to South Africa, but your friends and family don’t approve because it’s “not safe”, but how would they know if they never been? Tell them it’s a lifelong dream of yours and that you really want to do this for yourself and they will be understanding and let you do what is best for you. They will approve afterwards if anything but they can’t stop you from doing what you want because again IT IS YOUR LIFE SO JUST GO OUT THERE AND DO IT!)
4. Take care of your physical and mental health!
You are what you put into your body and mind. If you know eating junk and processed food makes you feel lethargic and shit all the time, then stop and listen to your body when it tells you that this isn’t healthy. Exercise and find ways to enjoy taking care of yourself and keep improving on your “self-care” routines. Whether that is working out, having a skin care routine, fulfilling your desired hobbies, or learning a new skill. If you feel that you’re not mentally capable of taking care of yourself, go see a therapist or change your diet regimen and learn more about your body. Everyone’s mind and body are different, so you have to find out what is best for your mental and physical health. Eat organic and healthy food because it will bring you clarity. Meditate at least 5–10 mins a day because that helps calm your mind from all the overthinking. Cut out the one night stands, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, and whatever else that is toxic and detrimental for your health. Learn to live life in a healthy way that is best suited for you. You don’t have to depend on those urges or cravings but instead, learn what triggers you and how to avoid falling back into those bad habits. You only get 1 body and brain so do what’s best for yourself and show that you care.
5. Learn to love “Me Time” and rediscover yourself
If you do not know yourself to make your own decisions, that reason should be enough to find yourself again. It’s so easy to lose yourself when you’re constantly surrounded by different people’s energies and their way of life. You can easily be influenced of other people’s lifestyles but you need to find your own path and learn to step away from the dependency of others. I know it’s not easy to be alone, but you have to find ways to truly enjoy your space and alone time. Be selfish in a sense of doing what YOU want to do in YOUR free time.
It’s easy to feel guilty when we don’t want to go out with friends or spend time with them because you feel a sense of obligations for others or depend on them to give you a good time. That’s why people easily lose themselves in relationships because they spend too much time with their significant other when they need to spend more time alone. You are strong enough to be independent and find what is best in your interest.
Want to take that dance class you been wanting to go but too scared to do it alone? That’s the best reason to do it alone because you are working towards yourself and doing something for you and not anyone else. I can’t tell you how liberating it feels to enjoy “me time” whether it’s going to the movies alone, eating dinner alone, or taking that nature stroll walk in the park that you love to do every time the sun sets. Find yourself and what truly brings joy and happiness to your heart because if you can make yourself happy, you don’t ever have to worry about depending on others to do it for you. The best feeling is knowing who you are and living your life fulfilling your own purpose and desires.
6. Learn to forgive yourself, let go, be self-aware and love who you are
The most important part about being selfish is to know your self worth. We are humans, and we will mistakes, and it’s natural to beat ourselves up over things that are out of control like car accidents, breakups, getting laid off, losing shit, petty drama, appearances and money. Majority of people of our society suffers from depression and it’s because they cared too much of all the negatives that happen in life and try so hard to control situations to their expectations.
Well let me be real with you, life is unfair, you’re going to fail at things, and there will always be shitty people and shitty things that happen in this world. You have to shift your focus from the negatives to the positives of life and know that you are capable of love, success, and so so much more. Be more aware of what the negatives are in your life and instead of beating yourself up over and being insecure of your flaws, embrace the situation and find a positive reason for the outcome instead.
Every experience is a learning curve and know that you’re going to have bad days and that’s okay. Learn to make the most of a bad situation and don’t let it ruin your day. (Ex. You had a huge project at work that you have been stressing and slaving over, you presented your project and everyone has praised and love your ideas except that one negative Nancy worker who has to be nit-picky with everything that you do. You get upset because that one worker really got to you and you start to doubt yourself. DO NOT INDULGE IN THIS. This is how people get worked up and can’t let things go. Instead, appreciate that worker’s criticism and move on and focus on your hard work and success instead.
Write down a list of the things you did well and were successful with and learn to appreciate those small wins. You need to be your #1 hype person and know that whatever happens in life, you will always have yourself to forgive and love and that’s all you need. When you are aware and can love who you are no matter what happens in life, then at least you know you have yourself to love and depend on! Don’t determine your self-worth based of other’s people’s opinions. No one is out to get you and life still goes on so just be happy and don’t give any fucks!
I hope this encourages you to take control of your own life because for so long I have allowed people to make decisions for me that didn’t make me happy and I suffered from self-loathing and my insecurities. I was tired of letting people control my life and deep in my heart, I know what is best for me and that I should love myself more than anyone else. It’s your life and no one else should have the power to take away your happiness. You only have 1 life to live so take care of yourself PLEASE!