How to stop taking advantage of your friends, even when you don’t realize it.
Sally is your go -to girl. She’s that one friend that truly makes you feel good about yourself because she’s always pushing you to do better. She compliments you all the time and she’s always giving you great advice on how to handle your shitty life. You can go to her anytime and you know she’s always down to listen to your problems no matter how many times you have complained about those one-night stands and how poorly men treat you. She tells you, you deserve better and gives you that awesome pep talk you need to hear to feel good again follow by a glass of wine she offers you in her cramped up tiny apartment that you go to almost every night because you’re too scared to be alone. Do you need someone to go eat with or just feeling bored? Well Sally just offer to drive you to get that vegan Vietnamese dish you like so much even though it’s 25miles east opposite of where Sally lives but she knows you can’t eat meat so she’s considerate enough to take you there. You can just sit back and relax in her car that you solely depend on because you don’t have one to go around. Wow, what a luxury. But wait, what’s this, she even pays for your meal?! You definitely can’t let go of Sally now because she’s that nice. She’s so nice and so considerate and so caring for you, you truly love her as a friend and value your friendship with her. You love Sally because she does all these nice things and you then start to become depended on her. She’s your best friend now and you call her up every day to do something that benefits you more likely than her but you think because she’s so nice that she’s okay with it. You think she truly enjoys time with you because y’all click so well and you can complain to her all day and she will just keep giving you compliments and great advice because she thinks you’re that awesome to be with. But one day, she completely stops. You just had an argument with her because she told you upfront how she felt about your reckless shitty life. You were put off guard because it wasn’t the usual feel good responses she usually gives you. Now she’s upset and angry that you wasted her time telling her about the constant boy drama you keep having and how tired of she was driving you around town just to make these tinder dates that you keep going on even though you know it ends like how it always ends. You getting heavily wasted, having the “passionate” sex and long night conversations that are the results of non-stop blow and thinking this guy is going to be different just because it seems like there was “chemistry”. He ends up ghosting you and you are left wondering how a guy could do such a thing to someone like you who is obviously too good for him right? You’re frustrated and feel insecure so who do you call? Good ole Sally because she knows how to make everything better? Nope, she screams at you this time. She asks you why do you keep making the same mistakes over and over again? She reminds you of all the good things she has done for you and that you don’t seem to appreciate any of it. She’s not happy and she seems stress and sick. You don’t know what to say so you do what you usually do and make her feel like shit for herself. You tell her that she doesn’t know what it’s like to live a poor shitty life like yours. That she doesn’t understand what it’s like to be you and that she shouldn’t be angry and upset. That she needs to be the good friend she’s supposed to be and be there for you. Oofff. That threw her off. Sally just stormed off. You never hear from her and you’re left wondering what the actual f*** did I do to Sally? You start to get nervous, you start to feel lost and guilty. You tried to contact Sally over and over. You tried to say sorry and that you didn’t mean to hurt her or bring her down. You left her voicemails and sent her about 2-page essay on how sorry you are for everything and that you will make it up to her, you promised. Nothing back. You tried going to social media checking her Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat just to see if she posted anything and got your messages. No, you can’t see anything because she just block you off all her social media accounts. WTF SALLY?!! Seriously you are pissed now. How can a friend do that to you?!! How can she just cut you off like that as if your friendship didn’t mean anything to her?! She’s not the good friend. You don’t deserve a friend like that right? No, you are better than her. She’s the one that needs to realize how great of a friend you are and come crawling back to you. She needs you in her life. You were a great friend to her. You also put up with her complaints and problems too. She always whine about her family not supporting her dreams and you tell her that she didn’t need her family. That she only needed her true friends like you to support her. You tell her how amazing she is and how far she’s going to go in life because how hard she works. You’re confused now. You realized you messed up and you lost yet another good friend because of your selfish acts. You’re depressed again because now you have no one. No one to make you feel good about yourself anymore. No one to have fun with and gossip about boys with anymore. You turn to one of your friends with benefits guy for a night away from all this depression but even he turns you away. You don’t know what to do and feeling really hopeless. Now you’re really left alone to figure things out for yourself. What would Sally do?
We can easily take advantage of our friends like Sally and it can really affect how we are as a person. Sometimes we think that everything is okay because we are so focused on ourselves and our own problems that we tend to put that energy out to other people to when we “vent” or stress out to our friends and family. Everyone has their own issues to deal with and if we want to be good people to our friends and family, we need to stop DEPENDING on them for everything and support one another by giving solutions and encouraging love. No matter how nice someone is to you, do not take advantage of it and depend on them to save you every time you have a crisis. Let’s handle our own problems and be better friends to people like Sally.